Adventures of Eragon and Murtagh
by Kusumita
Summary: Actually I'm going to play Doctor with you all you need is a few vodka shots OH MY GOD! I'M BEING RAPED! IT'S LIKE A BAD INCESTSMUT FIC! [Eragon Parody] [AU]


I honestly hated Eragon, book and movie. It was pretty low key in my opinion. But, it was perfect to make fun of :)

**In play format cause I suck :  
**

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**Adventures of Eragon and Murtagh! **

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Eragon: MURTAGH! Remember me? It's Eragon!

Murtagh: ... blank stare ...who?

Eragon: Remember? You said my name last chapter.

Murtagh: OHHHH! You...I was hoping our book would get declined and i'd never have to see you again...damn...

Eragon: Nah, we got a whoooollle trilogy or so and a few movies ahead.

Murtagh: ...Damn...So what are you doing here .

Eragon: I'm gonna play docter with you, I got a kit and everything!

Murtagh: ...they do NOT pay me enough for this!

Eragon: Aw, come on...Need a few vodka shots before?

Murtagh: ...Vodka so-- NO! THEY DO NOT PAY ME ENOUGH FOR THIS!

Eragon: ...IF YOU WONT SAY YES ILL DO IT ANYWAYS jumps Murtagh

Murtagh: OH MY GOD! I'M BEING RAPED! HELP! HELP! IT'S LIKE INCEST! HEEEEELP!

Arya: Oh hey Murtagh.

Murtagh: IM BEING RAPED! OH MY GOD HELP ME!

Arya: ...Nah, I'm watching some kids, HAVE FUN!

Murtagh: ...HELP!!!!

Eragon: ...hey your wound is gone...

Murtagh: ...I'm stronger than you that's why...

Eragon: ...Can you play card tricks?

Murtagh: ...God just doesn't like me.

Shade: Maybe cause your stronger than us?

Murtagh: HEY! YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO COME IN YET! WHAT DID I TELL YOU? beats Shade NOW GO!

Brom: HEY MURTAGH! It's me! Brom the stalker...Erm I mean .

Murtagh: Oh hey Brom... I don't suppose you're dying of AIDs yet are you?

Brom: No lord Murtagh, AIDs doesn't exist yet...

Murtagh: ...runs off and ribs up a poster of Vanir Damn that Vanir...

Eragon: ...Why are you mad at Vanir?

Murtagh: ...The network says hes more head strong like...and more hotter...and man pretty...MORE MAN PRETTY DAMNIT

Eragon: ...Murtagh your very man pretty...

Murtagh: Really? Cause I was thinking of getting these highlights and--

Shade: DEAR SATAN STOP THIS GAYNESS!

Murtagh: OH MY GOD! IT'S THE SHADE WHOM I HAVENT SEEN FOR YEARS! ...YOU STILL HAVE MY SEASAME STREET BLOCKS! GIVE THEM BACK!

Eragon: ...Exactly how many years?

Murtagh: ...Last year to be precise .

Brom: comes back trailing toliet paper ERAGON! IM SO SORRY! I WAS GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THE SHADE COMING BUT YOUR CONSTANT RAMBLINGS DROVE ME AWAY AND TOOK AWAY FROM MY CAMERA TIME!

Shade: THEIR MY SEASAME STREET BLOCKS NOW!

Murtagh: NEVER!!!

Brom: ...Somehow I think everytime I talk on this show no one listens to me... Someday... I will create my own show...Call it "Brom Coast to coast" interview people...Everyone will love me...

Space Goast: HEY THANKS FOR THE IDEA runs

Brom: ...crap...

Shade: IF YOU DONT LET ME KEEP THE BLOCKS ILL KILL YO MOMMA!

Eragon: Ugh...I'm hungry... hungry hungry hungry... wanders off

Murtagh: MY MOMMA IS DEAD! SO KILL YO OWN MOMMA! Oh wait...Yo Momma is dead too...BURN!

Shade: THEN WHO IS THIS!? gets a demon to put a sword up to a pretty lady

Murtagh: ...A Call girl?

Shade: YO MOMMA! BURN!!!

Murtagh: ...Oh sht...

Murtagh's Mom: ..WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP YOUNG MAN!

Murtagh: ...Whats soap?

Murtagh's Mom: ...Damn earth...HEAVEN HAS SOAP!!! WHY DOESNT EARTH!!!!

God: Cause the earth is full of flithy souls that dont need washing but alot of repenting?

Murtagh's Mom: ...Works for me..

Murtagh: ...Mommy?

Murtagh's Mom: ...HI DEAR! ...um... Can you get me down from here? ...Evenually my neck is gonna be cramped lying on this sword all day...

Murtagh: ...Ugh do I have to?

Murtagh's Mom: ...Please?

Murtagh: ...sw00sh sw00sh

Shade: ILL GET YOU MURTAGH! AND IM STEALING YOUR BARNEY CD TOO!

Murtagh: ...That was yours to begin with.

Shade: ...Right...THEN I'LL STEAL YOU STUFFED TURTLE!

Murtagh: NOOO!! NOT TORTIE TUMPALOTS TATER TOTS!

Shade: YES! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! flys off

Jaken: Murtagh is gonna cry when he finds out thats not his mom isnt he?

Shade: YES!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Eragon: I'M BACK 10 pounds fatter

Murtagh's Mom: ...Bored blows everything up

2 years later... erm I mean hours . ...SHHH THEIR NOT SUPPOSE TO KNOW

Murtagh: ...OMFG! IM DEAD!

Murtagh's Mom: ...No actually i'm dead...

Murtagh: ...NOOOOOO!!!!! HOW??!!??!?!

Murtagh's Mom: ...I've been dead for alot of years honey...

Murtagh: ...Oh yeah . sorry I mistook you for my barbie doll for a second... I mean G.I. Joe...NO I DONT PRATICE MAKING OUT WITH BARBIES THEIR JUST UNDER MY BED FOR DECORATION!!

Eragon: I had a dream that some producers were in a car and offered me candy and then put me on this TV show that I could never get out of the contract...nope that actually happened...I gotta go to the bathroom ... DAMN THAT RANDOM LUNCH! ...I CANT GET UP...crys THIS IS LIKE THE MICHAEL JACKSON INCIDENT ALL OVER AGAIN! …..

Murtagh's Mom: ugh...i'm bored again...have some memories as I devour you in a healthy mother/son way ok?

Murtagh: Ehh.. Sure...

Eragon: ...YANNO I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM HERE!!

Brom: HEY LOOK ITS A MAGIC TOLIET!

Eragon: WHAT?!!? WHERE?!?! ...Hey look I can move...

Murtagh's Mom: So you see... you'll meet this guy name Galbi...he is michael jacksons son...they only way you can defeat him is--

Eragon: BACK trailing toliet paper OMG! YOUR EATING THAT SEXY BISHIE MURTAGH! I WONT LET YOU DEVOUR HIM BEFORE ME gets a gulf club and beats her with it DIE DIE DIE!

Shade: BWAHAHAHA I AM BACK! Murtagh that isnt your mom...your mom is really dead...

Murtagh: ...So is this thing...

Shade: ...Now they have something in common...good for them...anyways excuse me while I play docter with you...

Murtagh: ...what the crap? Am I Gackt or something? oO;

Shade: No...You are very attractive though...

Murtagh: Thanks...AHHH MY EYE!!

Shade: Sorry about that...Your Father put his graveyard portal in your eye...

Murtagh: ...My eye?

Shade: ...Your Father was a deeply disturbed man...

Murtagh: He made you wear dresses...

Shade: ...Yes...DAMN HIM! Anyways...portal opens Got Wh00sh?

To be continued...

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Flames:) 


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